Are we alone?
You sure??
OK... psst... come closer....
I have a serious problem on my hands... brace yourselves... the humans in this household have changed their eating habits... no animal protein at all! This happened in January and... I'm in serious trouble here...
I think I'm going to pass out! I haven't had salmon in weeks!!
Don't believe me?
Look at all these books they have on indefinite loan from the closed public library...
A vegan cookbook, a cookbook by Dr. Michael Greger (How not to Die) and... Forks over Knives cookbook!
Greger promotes whole-foods plant-based eating... and let me tell you, even though salmon is a whole food... it is not on this list!
And the Forks over Knives people...
They are all plant-based too!
And this one... vegan... recipes... oy vey!
Wait... don't some vegans abhore honey???? Ack!!!!
Let me check....
Oh thank goodness... there is still honey in the house... But what's a bear to do?? I mean, I know we are omnivores but... whole-food? Plant-based? Sigh... Any suggestions? Maybe Little Fox's pal, Reindeer has some ideas????
We need to plan some vacations for when the lockdown finishes. Then your friends can feed you loads of salmon to keep your strength up
ReplyDeleteThat's true! Something to look forward to...
DeleteThis is terrible news. I think you need to start a revolution.
ReplyDeleteGo on strike?
DeleteWow. I would definitely be done for in that household. Back alley deals may save you...?
ReplyDeletePossibly... I need a salmon supplier...
DeleteSteps.
ReplyDelete1. Return books immediately. Do not solicit help from humans.
2. Go to Amazon. Find the LOWEST rated vegan cookbooks. Buy three or four.
3. Give low rates cookbook as a "gift" to humans.
4. Find some horrible looking recipes in the books
5. Encourage humans to cook them 4 you.
6. Don't eat the food (Spit into your napkin instead).
7. Make sure humans eat the food they cooked.
8. Encourage them to do this 9 or 10 more times.
9. Eventually, they will realize what a misguided idea this vegan lifestyle was and go back to cooking that is more appropriate for a little bear.
It might take a while, But eventually things will be back to normal. Patience is difficult for a little bears but I believe in you.
Side note: if my plan doesn't work you can always move in with grandma. Grandmas know how to take care of little bears.
What a sneaky plan, L.F. I like it!
DeleteLittle Fox - you are truly a mastermind. I am going to print out these instructions and see what I can do. I wish the library would reopen so we could get rid of these books! And get some new ones... On a side note... I did suggest a tofu recipe to them and... it turned out disgusting! Score one for the carnivores...
Delete